Towards Better Days :
Lessons Learned from Life & Work in 2021
2022/1/13
Author: Miki Sakai
As we start 2022, I’m sure that we are all looking forward to better days.
If I may, please let me share my life lessons from 2021.
Obvious life lessons. Nothing new. Nothing ground-breaking.
In fact they might look like something mentioned in a mediocre self-help book.
But I learned these lessons from painful first hand life experiences.
Let me share my story but before we begin our journey please be aware it will be no bed of roses.
Now is the time to stop reading if you’re having a bad day as it’s going to be a rather grim and sobering story.
But at the same time it is a story of survival and renewed hope.
2021 Life Events
- My better half was hospitalized due to a heart condition
- Dad passed away 6 months after being diagnosed with cancer
- Dad-in-law passed away after battling Parkinson’s
- Mom suffered a lumbar spine fracture while trying to help Dad to the bathroom
According to the World Economic Forum, by 2050 the number of adults over the age of 65 globally will double, reaching a staggering 1.6 billion with the largest growth in the developing world.
There’s no doubt that stories like mine will become quite common.
So how did I survive 2021?
Being able to work from home with flexible hours was one major factor contributing to my mental & physical survival. Juggling a full time job while commuting and taking care of aging and/or ill family members can be both emotionally and physically challenging.
Working from home may not be the best working style for everybody. If you are just starting your career you would need constant encouragement and face-to-face coaching. But if you are a seasoned worker who knows your domain well, being able to work from home adds flexibility on how you plan and allocate your hours to your daily life and work.
In Japan, there are about 240 working days per year so that’s almost 70% of the entire year. You might as well spend it wisely to get the most out of it.
The 2nd factor contributing to my survival was the fact that my Dad planned his life very well. Achieving life goals takes careful planning, execution, and determination.
How well you live your life determines the quality of the last chapter of your life.
The same rule applies to my line of work; project planning, management, and execution.
The 3rd factor was support from my colleagues and family. I wouldn’t have survived if it wasn’t for my Mom, brother & sister and their families, my husband, and encouragement from my mother-in-law, I would not have gotten through this difficult time.
Prologue
After a grueling three months of 13 hour workdays chasing COVID-19 stricken semiconductor suppliers day in and day out to ensure that the production line didn’t stop, I left my job of 16 years at a global automobile company to pursue my passion: the application of IT technology to SCM and manufacturing processes.
It was a warm spring evening. I was on my way home after dinner to celebrate with my better half. A gentle spring breeze was brushing my face and I was full of hope, looking forward to beginning a new chapter in my life.
Then I received a call from my Mom that my Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.
I was devastated.
A few days after receiving Mom’s call our immediate family gathered at our parents’ place to have lunch. The cherry blossom tree in the back yard had just hit peak bloom. I could see the flower petals fall slowly and quietly while my Dad spoke to his three children.
“Until this day I’ve lived to my fullest potential, probably three times that of an average person. I’ve lived and worked on three continents and just about realized most of my life’s goals. I have no regrets. But my biggest concern is whether your mother will manage on her own. ”
He eyed the drawer where he had filed all his paperwork; pension, insurance certificates, tax returns, bank account information etc. etc. He looked at me and said
“If you need to look up anything, it’s all there.”
Nine months later, I came to appreciate his obsession for thoroughness and meticulousness; qualities about his character that sometimes made it difficult for his family and colleagues to live up.
Dad, the youngest of 6 siblings, was the first child in his family to receive a university education, the pride of his family. From a small city in Nagasaki, he would go on to work on three foreign assignments. These assignments took his family to the Netherlands, UK and the United States. He was mainly responsible for opening regional branch offices for a Japanese copier & fax manufacturer. On top of his ways to carefully plan everything, it was his dire determination that took him up the corporate ladder.
After semi-retirement in his mid 50s he took on new hobbies. He learned pottery and how to bake bread & pizza. At 60 he started learning French and Italian which he continued learning until he became ill. In his 70s he decided to take piano lessons and planned to hold a recital, hopefully before 80.
Destiny guided me to stop chasing parts suppliers and take a new position that allowed me to work from home with flexible hours. I could maintain the fine balance between my new role at work and at home as caregiver. If I had stayed at my former job, I would have been too busy to take care of my family and that I would have regretted dearly.
At my new job, I would work for three hours in the morning and then accompany my husband to the hospital in the afternoon. I also have the option of working from my parents house. In between and after work, I can take care of housework for my injured Mom.
Spring transitioned into Summer. While I was adjusting to my new job, my Dad was going through multiple cycles of chemotherapy. For the first few months he seemed to be responding well. He renewed his determination to beat the big C. He regained his appetite and was eating again.
But it was in late August that things began to take a bad turn. Chemo was no longer working. Nausea overwhelmed him and he spent more and more time sleeping.
It was time to stop chemo and switch to Plan B.
His Plan B was to switch to immunotherapy. When my Dad learned about his illness he started to read tons of reference material about cancer immunotherapy. The clinic that he had chosen was located 1,200 km away from his home. To fly out to the clinic it was imperative for him to regain his strength.
August was about to end when I received news about my Dad-in-law’s passing after battling Parkinson’s disease for almost 3 years.
I was still trying to recover from the loss when my phone rang.
It was 2 o’clock in the morning.
It was Mom again.
Mom was trying to help Dad to go to the toilet. He fell and she injured her back when she tried to pick him up from the floor.
The night before, Dad made an effort to eat in hope of regaining his strength so that he could execute Plan B.
A tiny portion of yogurt and a single grape that he managed to consume had upset his stomach. Knowing that Mom was exhausted he didn’t want to bother her to go to the bathroom.
As his children took turns for the next few days and nights watching him, Dad’s condition deteriorated rapidly. During one of her daily rounds monitoring his vitals, the home care nurse told us that his final moments were nearing.
Five days later after his fall, Dad took his last breath at home surrounded by his wife of 52 years, children, and grand-children. The family doctor was there to announce his death. The whole situation was picture perfect, just like a scene from a family drama.
Not bad Dad, considering that in Japan, 90% of patients in terminal care spend their last moments alone in a hospital or nursing home bed instead of their home surrounded by their loved ones.
Knowing my Dad, he managed to choose the right moment to let go.
As of Jan 2022, Mom has made a remarkable recovery from lying on the floor unable to move a single inch to being able to drive and move around the house again.
We gathered again at our parents’ place to celebrate New Years’ to wine, dine and laugh again. Just like old times when Dad was still around.
But taking care of paperwork and going through red tape was one thing Mom was never good at. That’s why it was Dad who took care of processing the bills. Having lived abroad for many years, Mom would rant about Japan’s inefficient and bureaucratic government system. So Dad’s concerns about Mom hit the nail on the head.
In Japan, the amount of paperwork required to stop pension payments of the deceased, inherit property and bank accounts is notoriously high and the processes complicated and inefficient.
For example, Japanese banks require you to submit a copy of the family register that shows the name of the deceased from birth to death. The register is used to validate spouses and children with inheritance rights. As of 2021, family registers are kept individually at local municipal offices. These registers are used as personal identification documents. You are required to submit a copy to apply for a passport, receive pension money and make insurance claims. As there is no connection between old and new registers, you need to do your own research on which municipal office to contact. Then you are required to mail a paper application form and a paper copy of your ID to each municipal office.
That’s right. Conventional mail. No email. No PDF files.
In my case I had to contact 4 different municipal offices but Dad’s carefully organized paper drawer enabled me to quickly find out which offices to contact.
In my case I had to contact 4 different municipal offices but Dad’s carefully organized paper drawer enabled me to quickly find out which offices to contact.
So when exactly is a new version of a family register created?
- When you are born your name is added to your parents’ family register
- When you marry your own family register is created
- When you move house, for easier access family registers are often relocated to the municipal office where one resides
Japan will have to wait until 2024 for its Digital Agency to launch a intra-municipal network system that makes it possible to gather all versions of the register by making a single stop at the local municipal office. The MyNumber (Japan’s equivalence to the Social Security number in the US) will be used as the key reference code.
So let’s come back to 2022.
After reading my story, you may see the life lessons mentioned at the beginning in a different light.
Happy New Year !
